So you've had an argument with someone. They aren’t happy with you, you aren’t happy with them, and now you feel like you’re in a pit full of... well, let's just leave it at that.
Cheer up! The thing about arguing is that it's basic human nature. Like picking our noses, we just can't seem to help ourselves.
So how does someone get better at arguing? There are three things to remember in an argument:
- Stay calm. It's just turbulence, not a crash landing.
- Listen before you talk. The person you’re arguing with might be saying something you agree with!
- Focus on the issue. The ride is rocky enough without you dragging in past arguments.
The thing to keep clear in your head is that your relationship won't go down in flames if you have an argument. The object is to make yourself heard and understood.
Strangely enough, the best way to do that is to hear and understand what the other person is saying to you. The art of arguing is not hard, it just takes some thought.
Here are some more pointers:
DO understand that there isn't always a winner in an argument. Sometimes you have to “agree to disagree.”
DON'T base your argument on emotions or on things you’ve heard. Try to back up what you're saying with some facts, and be sure of your facts before you say them.
DO admit when the other person has made a valid point. Be open to having your mind changed by a strong argument.
DON'T believe for a minute that the silent treatment is an argument. If you’re not talking, how can you be heard and understood?
DO attempt to be friends again. So you got angry. Big deal. Shake hands, understand where the other person was coming from and go for lunch.
DON'T throw things. It's only fun and games until someone loses an eye!
DO your own arguing. Using a friend or sibling as a messenger is a dirty trick.
You get the picture. Happy bickering! Just remember to keep your cool, know your facts and act your age, and you’ll come out of the argument pit smelling like a rose.
