- Anger is a feeling.
- Anger can affect the way we act.
- Anger makes us feel emotional.
- Anger makes us act in certain ways, depending on what we’ve learned in the past.
- Anger can be connected to other emotions like fear, frustration, pain and helplessness.
Physical effects of anger
When you get mad, many changes may happen to your body:
- Your heart may beat faster.
- Your facial expressions may change.
- Your face may turn red.
- Your breathing may speed up.
- Your muscles may feel tight.
- You might shake or feel numb.
- Your voice may get louder.
These physical changes happen because your body is getting ready to do one of two things: fight or run away. Our ancestors reacted the same way because they needed to survive in a wild environment. We may not need to use our anger in the same way to survive, but anger is still important. It lets us know something is wrong.
Emotional effects of anger
Sometimes we only feel a little angry or annoyed; other times we feel very, very mad. But no matter how angry we are, our anger always affects our emotions. If you don’t express your anger in a way that works for you and others, or if you “stuff” your anger, you can end up making things worse. You may become unfriendly, resentful, bitter or hateful. These aren’t easy feelings to live with, and sometimes you may be tempted to use alcohol or other drugs to get away from them for a while.
Other emotions can surface as anger
Sometimes other emotions you feel may come out as anger. Fear, hurt, guilt, shame, frustration, jealousy, loneliness and helplessness can all make you feel like you’re angry. Anger can become a way of covering up or protecting yourself from these other feelings. Sometimes we use anger to pretend we don’t feel these emotions.
- Fear: What you are afraid of sometimes makes you feel or act angry. Many things can cause someone to be afraid. You may be afraid of being left alone or abandoned by those you love. You may be afraid of not being accepted or loved. You may be afraid of being rejected. Was there ever a time you felt angry, but you were really scared?
- Hurt: Feeling hurt can happen from not getting the attention or recognition you need or want. It hurts to feel unappreciated or unimportant, or to feel like you’re being treated unfairly. Sometimes it can hurt to see others being hurt or treated unfairly. These hurts can make you respond with anger. Was there ever a time you felt angry because you were hurt by something?
- Guilt: Sometimes you might feel guilty about something you have done (or haven’t done), and you try to cover up this feeling by becoming angry with someone else. Was there ever a time you felt angry, but you really felt guilty about something?
- Frustration: When you feel helpless or powerless over a situation, you may sometimes feel frustrated. This frustration can turn into anger toward yourself or others. Was there ever a time you used anger to act out your frustration?
When you find yourself starting to feel angry, stop for a second and think about why. Often, you’ll find one of these feelings disguising itself behind your anger. Own your feelings. Take responsibility for them, and express them in ways that don’t hurt yourself or others.
Anger is a powerful emotion that can be used in a healthy or unhealthy way. If you deal with anger in an unhealthy way, it can hide your true feelings, destroy your self-esteem and damage your relationships with others. But if you deal with anger in a healthy way, it can motivate you to change the way you think, feel and live.
